This is her last year of her show, and Oprah has totally stepped up her game. What made me get interested in her, was an episode from a few weeks ago about child molestation. As horrible and terrifying as those crimes are, the show really stated a lot. Last week she had the entire original cast of the Sound of Music on. And being a huge fan of The Sound of Music, I loved it!
Today, Portia de Rossi was on. She has just released her (I believe first) book entitled Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain. I plan on getting a copy of it ASAP... but one of the reasons I loved Oprah's interview with her was that it seemed to me that Portia was not there just to promote her book. It was a very raw and emotional interview that exposed Portia's darkest secrets. Not only did she live her live as a closeted lesbian, but she was also battling anorexia/bulimia/purging. She held nothing back concerning how she felt and how she saw herself through out those years. The Portia we all see today, happily married to Ellen DeGeneres, is the outcome of a vicious cycle of eating disorders and shame that molded her life.
For anyone that has ever felt insecure about themselves or their body image; for anyone who has ever tried, attempted, or gone through with an eating disorder, this interview is a must see. I can speak from experience. I have gone through different cycles of anorexia a few times in my life. Each time, longing to learn something else, or to find what was actually going to make me happy in life. In each time that I went down this road, something tragic triggered it. When I was 13, a friend from church died. I couldn't handle his death because he was literally the only person who spoke to me at church youth group. Some people that were close to him decided to carry on his vegetarianism, so I joined in as well. Without knowing it, that was the moment I gave up this "normal" life that I was leading. I went from eating everything, to barely eating or drinking anything at all. I never got help at this point in my life, it was my cousin that helped me see what I was doing was crazy. Friendship and family got me through it.
A few years later, in high school it happened again. I don't remember the exact moment that I felt insignificant, like no one cared...I just remember walking around New Hanover High School and feeling ugly, and fat and that no one even knew who I was because I was just so "plain jane". For me, this was short lived because of my best friend Lacey. She knew about what I had done and what had happened in middle school, and she saw what I was doing and jerked me out of the funk that I was in.
In June of 2005, my Grandma Ann had a heart-attack and was gone instantly. Just like when I was 13, I couldn't handle it. All of a sudden my family was ripped apart. We relied on her for so much, and even though she would get on my nerves, a lot, I loved her so much and I needed her in my life. So, it began again. Lacey noticed the weight dropping, but it was summer and I appeased her by saying things like "come on Lace, It's bikini season I've got to look good!" or "I'm not losing weight, I swear, you know I would never do that to myself again."
Right. One thing I've neglected to mention... tragedy brought on this sense of not being in control of my life. How could I be in control when obviously God was taking people away from me left and right. Yes, tragedy put me in this situation, but I kept myself there. It was part of my grieving process. Instead of crying in a room, I didn't eat. I felt guilty when I did eat. What I was putting in my body was the only thing I had control over, and that made my life "better".
A month after my grandma died, I looked horrible. The person I was dating at the time, Matt, saw it, Lacey had realized it was more than I was letting on to. So Matt told me straight up, "Tell your mom what's going on so she can get you some help, or I'm hanging up and calling her myself." With his help and support, I was able to tell my mom. I went to counseling sessions and saw a nutritionist to help me. And it did.
5 years later, I still have some issues with weight. But I have come soo far from where I was in 2005. The fact that my jeans are size 8 doesn't make me want to puke anymore. I understand that my weight and the number on my clothes doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm healthy, and happy. When my father got sick in November of 2006, and in December when we realized that there was nothing that could be done, I made a promise to a good friend, Kevin that I wasn't going to go down the tragedy induced eating disorder again. And I'm very happy (and proud) to say that I haven't since then. When I met Cameron in December of 2007, I was at the smallest I've been in the past almost three years. I was still gaining the normal control over my weight and learning to lose the control over what I was and was not putting in my mouth. And I'm happy to say now, that I am perfectly healthy. My weight still fluctuates and it always will. I've been heavy, and I've been smaller.
Today's Oprah episode solidified every feeling that I had going through those 3 times in my life. It made me see that I hadn't been alone, even though it had felt that way. I admire Portia so much for writing that book and doing the interview with Oprah. And I hope that every woman, young woman, girl, and teenage girls will see parts of it. Even more, I hope that for the women and girls that are going through the same thing now, will be able to see that there is hope.
So, thanks Oprah, for the interview... and thank you also to Portia de Rossi for exposing yourself and your story to so many that needed that to be talked about.
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